Control...What's That??

I am envious of all of you mom's out there who have control right now. In my life, I have everything BUT control at the moment. I remember a time when I would take ONE day and plan the week's menu, grocery shop, clean the ENTIRE house, start and complete my laundry (including putting it away), make dinner, tidy up and be in bed with a smile on my face knowing that I had accomplished all I needed to, and my life was in order. Now I feel it is all I can do to brush my teeth and find a spare minute to sneak off and use "the facilities" without at least one of my little people in tow. It now takes me multiple trips to the store throughout the week in which I purchase a few items to get me by, and forget many more. Thoughts are lost quicker than I received them (what most refer to as "mom brain" yes, I have that). My only "away" time is the one night a week I go to work for a few hours, and perhaps a trip to the grocery store minus "the troops." Meals are sometimes thrown together, concocted by whatever I could scrounge out of the cupboards. My every minute is consumed by preparing food (my kid are grazer's which means they eat like 15 small meals a day-very tedious), cleaning up food, wiping faces and little fingers, changing diapers, wiping "potty-trained" bums, snuggling, reading, picking up messes (seriously, the same ones OVER and OVER), refereeing squabbles, answering to requests and accepting invitations to read books or play games, folding laundry (just to have it tossed on the floor), making an attempt to "deep clean" our house (sometimes not even to finish vacuuming ONE room before someone is crying, "Mommy!!" and having to run to the rescue.) And somehow managing to do all of this while nursing a baby. Yes, I have found talents I didn't even know existed such as, picking things up with toes, balancing baby in one arm while cooking, writing, wiping bottoms, you name it with the other. Mouths can be a very handy tool as well when you are short a hand.
Don't get me wrong, at the same time I feel miserably out-of-control, I am probably the happiest I've ever been. In between moments of utter chaos are sweet, precious moments that make me feel like I never want it to end. I get to snuggle up with them and their blankies with nowhere else to be, be the one they run to when they are hurt or sad, read them their favorite stories, and see their excitement when they experience or accomplish something new. There really is nothing like when Kaden and Rylie completely unsolicited look at me with a cute little smile and say, "I love you, Mom." Or when Parker flashes me one of his heart-melting grins that makes it all seem so worth while. It is amazing the way you can feel like "super mom" one minute, and the next a complete failure wondering what you've done wrong. What an emotional roller coaster ride this is, but I've decided the rewards far surpass the hardships along the way. I keep asking myself, "how can something be so fun, and not so fun all at the same time?"
I think another thing that is ailing me at the moment is the realization that it is my turn to be the "Mom," and it is a very overwhelming feeling. It seems that not all that long ago I was under MY Mom's wing, being taken care of and making demands. I keep finding myself wondering, 'when did I become the "Mom?"' Why am I the one responsible for keeping everyone clean, clothed, fed, nurtured, taught, protected, loved, confident, etc. etc... There is also the pressures of disciplining, raising responsible children, making sure they eat their fruits and vegetables, weekly FHE, yada yada yada...When did this happen!?! I feel like "Momma bird" with 3 little birdies chirping at me all the time (not to mention one BIG birdie). And do it all with a smile on my face, and a good attitude. That is just a lot of pressure!! At the same time, it makes me so thankful for the sacrifices my Mom made for me all of those years. My Mom is the BEST, and I have NO idea how she did all that she did. Thanks Mom. You made it look so easy-and it is sooo NOT! I had a great, carefree childhood. It was full of awesome experiences, and most important- I had the comfort of always knowing my parents were there to love and protect me. Now I want my kids to have that same opportunity, to be able to just be kids. In turn, this means that I have to make sacrifices. It is sometimes a tricky task to be so selfless, at least for me.
I am so thankful for my life, my children, and my husband. In those areas I feel I could not be more blessed. Nic is such a great husband and Daddy, and does so much to help take the pressure off of me. I am also thankful for a Heavenly Father who knows exactly what I am going through, and is there for comfort and strength when I need it most. I am thankful for our parents, and the great example they are to us. Both my Mom, and Jill have taught me so much about how to be a good Mom, and I am so thankful for their help and advice. Our kids are so blessed to be surrounded by so many great examples of people who love them.
I know one day I will regain control of my life, my days will be my own again, and I will look back on these days with fondness. I will probably think back to them as "simpler times" which is hard to imagine because right now I feel this is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I haven't even gotten to the part where my kids get involved in extracurricular activities that consume our every night. Aaahhh...how do you do it?! For now I will continue to enjoy my days that I have nothing on my agenda except to love and care for my three greatest blessings. Oh, and of course, their big daddy who is the absolute love of my life. I have so much to be thankful for, and I feel so blessed to be the "Mom." I just needed a quick meltdown. Oh, and maybe a little sleep--ya think?